I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
