I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
