so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
