Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
