Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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