Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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