im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
