i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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