how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
