i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
