He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just invented taco cereal.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
