well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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