I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Couch. On fire.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
