Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
