do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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