No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
