Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
