Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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