I am puke
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
