I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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