Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
