everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
