my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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