Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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