This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
