I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
