How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize