so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
