Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
