this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
