Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
