But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
