so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
