i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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