so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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