OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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