The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
