Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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