I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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