Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
