He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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