DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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