If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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