ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
