you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
