This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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