: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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