I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
