It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
