He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
