I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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