I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
