i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
