Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
