did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
