I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she peed on how many people?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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