No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
