How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
