I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
