He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
