They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
