soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
