So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
