i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
