I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My vagina just recognized that song.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
