somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
