Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you inspire me to be a worse person
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
