Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
