Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
