She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
