His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
