He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
