i was rollin on her like bob the builder
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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